Gods Ways

God’s ways our higher than our ways. This is often a hard pill to swallow. It often causes us a lot of pain, a lot of confusion, a lot of asking the question “why?”. Why God?  Why did you allow this to happen, or why did you remove that person form my life, or why did I lose my job? We sometimes, find ourselves feeling alone, and left to our own understanding. Oh, we of little faith. We have to remember. God’s ways, or not our ways, and they are always higher than ours. And we often do not understand them right away.

I have been in one of those seasons. Those seasons of asking why, questioning. Hurting, crying, trying to understand. But tonight, I had my ah ha moment. That moment when you finally see God’s hand in a situation, when finally start to see the pieces being put together, when you finally start to see God coming through for you.

You see ever since I was a little girl, probably before I could walk, or even talk at that. I had one dream. To be a mommy. As most of you know, cause I’ve mentioned it a lot. It’s been a desire of my heart for as long as I can remember. So as you can imagine (and know) when I found out that I had to have a hysterectomy.. I was devastated!  I literally sat in a white, cold exam room and listened to my doctor say.. “this is a must”, and my dreams, desires, hopes, of the future crashed down around me. At first, I was kind of numb. I was focused on the cancer part of the whole ordeal. But then, after the surgery (cause it all happened pretty quick) the cancer was no longer an issue, so then the real hurting began. I was hurting, I was angry. I was angry at God, for allowing this to happen. Why.. was a question a asked often.

But like God always does, He takes care of me, and He started to send people my way, to show me He is faithful, that He does have a plan, and that He knows best. But I was angry, I was hurting, and I really didn’t want to hear it. But then he brought someone into my life, that He pretty much knew I would listen to. And this guy, was able to break through a little, talk some realization into me. I don’t know, he started to make it click, it’s like he knew what to say, and how to say it to make comfort me in away, no one else was able to do. And at the exact right time!  But, I still struggled, I still hurt, but I found myself become less and less angry at God, and found myself starting to see that maybe God does have a plan. One I may not understand. God used this very wise friend, to start showing me His ways. I sit back and think to myself sometimes, “WOW” because God placed this person in my life over 30 years ago, in a little Kindergarten class. I have forgotten pretty much every single kid in that class but three. Three who made an impression on my life. And 30 years ago.. God knew He was going to use that boy to get through to me! See how God works?

And then I did my DNA. Something I’ve been saying I was going to do for years! But never did. Until here recently. Once again timing is everything! Because while I was still hurting, I was no longer angry. Those walls were broken down, thanks to my friend, and this opened up a door, my eyes, to more healing. Everything happens for a reason, and order. God knew this! I just had to be patient, and wait. And He pretty much sealed the deal, with these DNA results. It wasn’t until I ran them through other sites, sites that tested your DNA and genes for diseases that you are prone to, that I really seen some of God’s bigger picture. That I really seen that sometimes God has to break you a little bit, to keep you from getting hurt, a hurt even more painful than what you suffered. The diseases that I’m prone to, wasn’t nearly as scary as the diseases I’m a carrier for. Genes I could pass onto my children, had I had them. A lot of big medical words were thrown around, but with the help of google, it pretty much left me speechless! And I found myself thanking God, thanking Him for sparing me a great potential heart break in the near future. Sometimes God has to remove things, for our benefit (no pun intended there). God is forever faithful, in all His ways. Sometimes His way hurt us, but there is always a reason! Always. God’s ways our always higher than our own ways!

This has been a rough season for me, it’s lasted way too long. But I’m finally at peace. And I am OK with this! I trust God, He knows what He is doing.  He’s in control, He doesn’t need a co-pilot at least not me. That’s how our lives crash and burn anyway. Right?



























I’m Amazed!

I forgot to take a book to work today. I always take a book, so I have something to read during my breaks, and lunch. But today, I didn’t have one. I also do not have anything fun my phone like Facebook. So today at lunch I was left with me, myself, and I, and my own thinking! Sometimes that can be scary. I have a habit of overthinking when left on my own. But today, I thought about my life. About the people in my life, and it’s just amazing!

Amazing how each and every person I know, was put into my life by God. He planted them there, and I in their lives. NOTHING is an accident! Some people have been in my life for years, and some for only weeks .But each and every one of them.. are suppose to be there! Now that doesn’t mean they are all suppose to stay in my life, or will. But still God knew before I was born, each and every single person I would meet along my journey of life! Each one of them. How amazing is that?


Before you were formed in your mother, God knew everything about you. He knew everyone who would come into your life. He knew when, and how long they would be there.

I don’t know. I just find that really amazing!


































Wait on Him

If there is one thing, God keeps telling me over and over again (and I mean over and over again) it’s to wait on Him. I’m not one who likes to wait. Waiting is NOT one of my strong suits. But He keeps telling me to wait. Through bible verses, through devotionals, through my Bible study. He says WAIT CHILD I GOT YOU! Putting my trust in someone is hard. I’ve been hurt a lot, I’ve been let down a lot. I’ve been told “I’m here” and well, you guessed it. They wasn’t. But God is different. He is here, He does have me. He will not let me down. I just have to wait on Him, be patient (btw never pray for this), and see His plans for me unfold! The wait is going to be hard, but it will be worth it.



I hate waiting. I really really hate waiting. I’m not patient at all. But I’m trying to work on it. Waiting. I know God has perfect timing, and He’s always on time. ALWAYS! During the waiting season, we really need to seek Him, because He’s usually preparing, teaching, guiding us so when He delivers, we’ll be ready. I understand this completely. And I have pretty much completely giving myself to Him in the area’s of my job, love life, and life. But there is one area I’m really struggling with. One area I’m so anxious to receive. One area I dream about, about every single night.

My ancestry DNA results!!


This is something I have wanted to do for a few years, but never did up until this year. I think every year for the past five years I’ve said I was going to use my Christmas money to buy it. This year I actually I did. I probably should have waited a few weeks, but I know me, and I would have never saved my money. I would have spent it. Which is what I’ve done every year before this year! But this year, I did it. I sent it in on Jan. 1! JAN 1!!! It took them a month to let me know they got my tests, and another month for them to start processing, which they’ve only been doing for a week. And it’s KILLING ME!

I want them now! I do not want to wait any longer! hahaha..

Seriously, I do. Funny how I’m learning to wait in other’s area’s of my life. Like my job. I’m currently suffering from a major case of burn out. I do not want to go, I dread it. Do not get me wrong I’m thankful I have a job, I’m thankful God is providing. I’m burned out though. When I am there I’m counting down the hours till I get to leave, and I spend a lot of time thinking “is this really my calling in life” and “is this really what I’m suppose to be doing?”.

And I’m pretty content being single. I do not know what the future holds for my love life. What God has in store for me. But I’m FINALLY able to say, God I’m waiting You. You know best, You know what I need, and I want YOUR will be to done. Not my own. And in my waiting season I’m enjoying this time growing in Him, growing closer to Him. It’s been amazing! I’ve grown so close to Him..

but I am NOT doing good when it comes to waiting on these DNA results to come back!!

I’m sure God’s not too worried about my DNA results, nor is it a huge priority on His list of things to worry about. I mean with war, abortions, and sin in general, I’m sure my DNA results are NOT on His list of worries. lol.






























Burned Out

I am really started to get burned out, at work. I would love to have just one weekend off! Or at least a Sunday off! Is that too much to ask? I’ll never forget the day she called me into her office, to talk about my schedule, and how she kept repeating “it’s not fair to the other cashiers”, talking about my schedule. Well I do not find the fact that new employee’s are hired, and have EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY OFF, and I have to call off work, just to get it off. That’s not fair.

Like I said. I am just burned out. I’d like to be able to go get up, go to church, and come home and relax the rest of the day. Not hurry up eat, get dressed for work, and out the door I go! Till 11, at night.

Do not get me wrong. I am happy I have a job, I am thankful that God has blessed me, and I have money to pay my bills etc. But I’m still so unhappy at Walmart! I’m unhappy with the hours more than anything. That is what I hate the most. The hours.

I know God has a purpose for everything, and it’s no accident I’m here. I do not know the reason. But I am trusting God. Can I still get discourage? Can I still feel as though I’m ready to cry at just the thought of going? Can I still be really really unhappy there, and trust God that His timing, and will, and what He wants is still what I want?

Just Not Ready.

So I was asked out on a date today. I know what you’re all thinking.. “YAY” or “You go girl”. The thing is. I’m just not ready. I do not want to go on dates, I do not want to meet men, I do not want to put myself out there, not right now, not at this time.

For one, I have grown so much in God these past few months! My relationship with him has grown and I am at a place I’ve never been before, and I do not want anyone or thing to distract me from growing in Him! It’s going to take a VERY special guy to do this.

And I need to let my heart heal from this last heart break, before I move on. I do not want to start a relationship with any guy, until my heart isn’t hurting.

So no date for me. And I’m OK with that. I’m perfectly OK with that. My heart is in God’s hands now, and right now, He’s the only one who deserves it.

Life with a Boxer..







If you do not have one, I highly recommend you go out and get yourself a boxer right now! RIGHT NOW! Do not wait, do not hesitate, just go do it.. because they are the best dogs ever! Well at least mine is!

Cooper is his name.. and here he is.


He’s a beauty isn’t he? Wait. here is another one!


He is my favorite model! And he has a personality all of his own. He’s funny, he makes goofy faces, he hogs the bed, and he has no sense of personal space. He’ll seriously climb on top of me, and just make himself at home, in my lap. And may I mind you, he’s as long as I am! If you’re eating, he’ll sit and stare at me, with slobber dripping from his jowls. He loves to go on walks, run, but hates water. Which kind of stinks. I would love it if he loved to swim. But he doesn’t. Balls he chases, but laser lights he don’t. He licks a lot, and odd strange things like the couch. He is sweet, kind and loving. He’s a jumper, but all boxers all! He looks tough, and like he’d be mean. But he’s far from it!

He’s my Cooper!


New Phone, and new Camera

So I did it. I went out and got myself an Iphone! It’s an older version, but an Iphone nonetheless. Honestly, I got tired of buying phones. I felt like I was buying a new phone every few months!  And well I just kept buying the same kind of phone because it was the cheapest “smart”phone.  Hopefully this phone, will last me longer. I hope so. It cost a lot more!

I also bought a new camera!! YAY! I got a Rebel SL1!! And so far I LOVE it! LOVE it! I haven’t been able to use it much, because of the weather. I can’t wait for it to get to one temp, I do not have to work, and the weather stays the same! With no rain or wind! lol..

I’m also getting a new tattoo in a couple of weeks! YAY!


My Dear Angie,

My Dear Angie,

I know right now, it seems as though your world is falling apart. Your heart is breaking, you cry yourself to sleep, and your mind keeps wandering to why. Why did this happen to you. I cannot explain men. I do not understand them. They can have the best girl in the world, someone who’d give them all they want, and do so with a happy heart. Someone who’ll be there, support, take care of them. And they will throw her away, like a piece of trash. Sometimes for another woman, sometimes for a different life style, sometimes because they were simply playing her. But they do. And sadly, it’s good women like yourself, who gets the blow. Who gets hurt. Who is left with their heart shattered to pieces.

My dear Angie, things will get better. You’re heart will mend one day at a time. Some days will be better than others. Someday’s you’ll get up, you’ll smile, and all will feel great. You wont’ even think of him much. Then someday’s you’ll wake up a mess. You may have cried yourself to sleep the night before, hardly slept. You just can’t get your mind off of the past, the things he said, the promises he made, how he held you, kissed you, made you feel all safe and secure. Just to rip it away, without notice, without regret. How he moved on so quickly. And you wont’ understand. You won’t understand anything. How he could just turn his feelings off.

It’s OK to cry. It’s OK to mourn. But my dear Angie, it’s not OK to stay there. Have this time. Cry, be sad, get mad, and angry if you have to. But then move on! Move on and live your life. Do NOT let him define you. DO NOT like him control you, do not give him that power. Instead, rise above. Shake him off. Realize that you deserve better. You deserve to be with someone who WANTS to be with you, and means. Not just saying the words. You deserve to be with someone who’ll treat you like a princess. Someone who’ll cherish you. Who’ll mean what he says, and backs it up. You deserve to better, than what he was willing to give you!

There is someone out there for you, someone who’ll treat you right, and he’ll come into your life at the right time, on God’s time! It’s important you seek a good Godly man. Someone grounded in his faith, who has a relationship with God, and beware, many men can claim this, but this doesn’t mean he’s being honest with you, or himself. Seek someone you can pray with, and who’ll pray for you. Someone who’ll encourage you to grow in God. Someone who is active in church. These things are important. I know waiting is hard, and I know it’s easy to give up, when you’re heart is breaking. But you can do this.

My dear Angie, take your heartbreak to the Lord. Give it to Him, and find comfort in Him. Start praying, seeking Him through reading the bible! He’ll heal that broken heart. Ask Him what HE want’s you to do, seek Him first! It’s not always easy, but it’s so very worth it.

I’m praying for you my dear Angie. I know you go this. It’s just going to take time.

Your Friend,






















Looking Back..

If there is one thing I have learned, while studying the book of Ruth.It’s do not look back. Ruth, is a prime example of this. God called her, and she left all that she was familiar with. She left her homeland, her family, friends. She packed up  and traveled to a place, where she would not be very welcomed. It could be very dangerous for a Moab woman, in Bethlehem.  And with an angry bitter old widow at that.! She went forward, never looking back. She was even given the chance to go home, to go back. But she didn’t. She followed through with her commitment to God, and Naomi. She moved forward, not back.

I want to be like Ruth, but I am finding it hard. I am finding myself looking back. Looking back and thinking, what if I would have given that blind date, my aunt set me up on tweleve years ago, more of a chance? Where would I be? Would I have found the love of my life, a man who treated me like a princess? With respect, and honor? Someone who I could have grown with, prayed with and decided to stick with me, no matter how emotional, or crazy I got?   Would I have right now, with a good man of God, what I’m desiring with the wrong man? I can’t help but think.

Would I have children? Could I have a few little blonde hair, blue eyed babies running around? Maybe even have one with curly hair.Would I have experienced those first little kicks, where I got to feel life for the first time. Experienced birth, the pain, and then the joy of having a little life, who lived in me for nine months on my chest. Kiss her head, count her toes and fingers.   Would I be living that dream of getting my kids up and ready for church, and going as as family?

What if I had finished school. If I got my degree, and went into the field of my study? I would have been working for 10 years, pretty settled in my CAREER! Not working at Walmart, a simple cashier job. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But could I have had more? Or would I have been a stay at home mom, first?

All these things I wonder about. I wonder how my life would have turned out had I never quit, had I sought God, and asked Him to guide me to where HE wanted me to go, instead of acting on my own, playing god. Getting scared.. not TRUSTING in HIM!

I know God doesn’t want us to look back. He wants to keep focused on Him, moving forward in His will. And I am really trying to do this. I know that EVERYTHING happens for a reason, and that He knew I would be here today. He has a plan for my life, that is far better than I could ever imagine (even though I am starting to wonder if I’ve missed that life 12 years ago). I can’t think like this. Ruth did not think like that. I doubt she ever thought “well if I would have married Islamicha, I may not be a widow, I may not be traveling with this bitter old woman, who really doesn’t want me here to begin with.” No, she heard God’s calling, and she went. She moved forward, away from the familiar, into the unknown. And she was greatly rewarded for that! Not only a wonderful Godly husband, but most of all a deep personal relationship with God (which is far more amazing than any man). I want to be more like Ruth! I want to move forward. I do not want to look back at my past. Think about my what if’s. Think about what could have been different, had I made different decisions. I want to move forward. I want to do God’s will NOW. Hear his voice, follow His voice into that great unknown. Trust Him fully, in everything I do!

Being a Ruth is hard!