Have you ever said something.. and instantly regretted it. Word vomit is what I like to call it. You do not think before you speak, you get caught up in emotion. You don’t sit back and think things through. And it ALWAYS gets you in trouble! It always leaves you thinking “Why did I do that?” and wishing you could turn back time, and undo everything that you just said.
I am the queen of word vomit. I am the queen of letting my emotions get to me, and I am the queen of digging myself into an even bigger hole. Like what I just spouted out wasn’t bad enough..I just have to keep digging, and digging that hole even deeper! It’s something I struggle with, a lot. Now I’m not going around spouting random word vomit, it’s always the result of me getting upset, of me feeling that I am loosing control. ALWAYS!
The other day, I had some word vomit. Word vomit has changed a lot. You use to have to verbally talk, and say it. Now, you can do it through text, through email, through Facebook. Mine through text, over something I seen on Facebook. Man Facebook destroys friendships and relationships. It really does. I’m not sure if it’s been a good thing or not. I guess if you can be on it, with the mind set that it’s not to be taken serious, and no real life. You’ll be pretty good. But most do not see it that way. I know I didn’t this day. And I totally overreacted! Which lead me to question a friend of mine..and when he didn’t reply in the time frame I thought was appropriate, I freaked out a little more and added heat to the fire. Which caused us to get into a fight, making him mad, and me to keep spewing my emotional, irrational, word vomit. I do not think..I just react. And then I sit back and think.. wow.. can I have a do over? Of course. I can’t. I have to live with what I just did. I have to live with the consequences of my actions. I have to live with the fact that I did not seek God, in this situation. I didn’t pray about it. I didn’t look to Him for Him to give me guidance! I find myself doing this often. Which leaves me feeling like a big pile of dog poo.
Had I stopped, prayed, and seeked God, I would have to remembered that this friend and I talked about me assuming, and overthinking just days earlier, and how much he disliked it. Had I stopped and prayed I would have also remembered this friend also told me that he doesn’t take Facebook literally, that he often posts things,but I shouldn’t overreact over it. Most importantly, this friend told me that I need to stop, and think about what he may be going through. That I needed to ask him what’s up, TALK to him. I failed this friend.
I said a lot to this friend. Some I deeply regret, but others I do not. I regret saying anything at all, I regret not shutting up, and staying silent. Most of all I regret not seeking God.
Seeking God, is so important. It should be the number ONE thing we do when we are faced with a decisions, or anything. We need to seek him, read His word, and wait on Him. Overreacting, and jumping to fast only hurts us. If God does not tell us to move. We should not move. If God does not tell us to speak. We should not speak. I finally stopped speaking. God was like “Girl, he’s gone, you done drove Him away.”.. “now deal with it”. OK He didn’t say that. And in all honesty, if this friend is suppose to be in my life, if that’s God’s will. He’ll be back. I know this. But right now. He’s no where close to come back to this psycho girl. What I have learned..
- I need to practice the pause. I need to step back. Remain quiet, think things through.
- I need to pray. Get on my knees and talk it out with God. Or in my case. I often write it out.
- Open up that Bible. I am shocked how many times God leads me to the right verses, at the right time! I shouldn’t be surprise, because He’s God, that’s what He does.
- Do not go it on my own. We do this often. I know I do. Even after I hear God’s voice loud and clear! I go at it on my own. I disobey Him.
- If God is leading me to make a move, to say something, speak up. That I use kind, loving, uplifting words. That my message is geared toward God. Often we want to lash out. Lashing out never solves anything.
- If it’s needed. Ask for forgiveness.
- If it’s needed forgive.
It has taken me 36 years and losing several friendships to learn this. I wish I would have done this yesterday. I do believe had I stepped back and thought things through, I would have remembered the things my friend talked about. I would have taken his feelings into consideration. I believe God would have lead me to do so. I believe God has made me recall those, after the fact. I would have thought about someone, other than me. I would have thought about him, my friend. And all the frustration I caused him. I feel bad about this. It has eaten me a live. Because I know what I’ve done, and I know it could have all been avoided had I just took a step back, and went to God first.