Waiting, it’s not something I’m good at doing.
Patience, it’s something I do not have much of.
When I want something, I want something NOW! If it’s food, answers to questions, a new job, money, to have my back scratched. I want it now! Doesn’t matter what it is really. So as you can imagine, waiting on God, on His timing. Is not an easy thing for me to do. To sit by patiently, waiting for Him to reveal all He has in store for me. I’m like a kid in a candy store, I want all the candy, now. I do not want to wait. I don’t want to wait for Him to perfect the perfect piece of candy, just for me. And this has become a problem. I seem to forget that He has a special recipe, that He has a special way of making this candy. Maybe this piece of candy is cooperating with God either, and due to this, it’s going to take God taking it through the fire a few times, to mold it into the candy He wants it to be. And if I rush it, I will not be able to fully enjoy what He created just for me. Because myself, or this candy just isn’t ready yet. (I totally just compared waiting on my future husband, to a piece of candy).
You see, I am starting to see that my impatiences, is a lot of the reasons I quit so much! Just in case you didn’t know.. I have a quitting problem. I’m a quitter. I do not follow things out. I’m starting to see the reason. I don’t have the patience to wait on the outcome. I want it now. And when I do not get it. I just quit. I give up. I walk away. I throw my hands up and say.. fine. I’m done. And that is not how God intended it to be. When giving up, when walking away, when saying enough is enough, becayse I’m not getting what I want when I want it. . I am telling God.. you’re timing is not good enough, and Your will is not worth waiting for. And not only do I walk away.. empty handed or heartened, I walk away without growing, without learning, without the lesson, and I do not become the person God intended me to be.
You see God, sometimes calls us to wait, hold steadfast and rely on Him. He wants us to trust Him in all area’s of our lives. These times are often hard, full of heartache, or aggravation. He puts you through the fire. It’s hard to turn over that control. It’s hard to live with the pain. But it’s during these times that He is molding us, teaching us, and preparing us. I’ve missed a lot of preparing time through my life. Times where I could have learned valuable lessons. Lesson’s about God, lessons about myself and or others. Blessings. I did not trust God, I did not trust Him enough to allow Him to take me where He wanted me to go, and in His timing.
I am realizing this. I am starting to see that I have a problem, and that maybe my quitting issues, isn’t all my ADD, or attention span. That some of it is I simply have issues trusting God. I have issues giving it all to God, and relying on Him for EVERYTHING! I have some control issues. I feel that if I’m not in control, I’m going to get hurt. Maybe God wants me to get hurt. Maybe God wants me to feel that heartache, maybe He has a plan for this pain. I mean, He always has a plan! Nothing happens on accident!
It’s time for me to woman up! It’s time for me to face the fact that I can’t do it on my own, and that I need to stop focusing on my tomorrow, give that to God, let him guide my life. Bring those into my life HE wants there, and removed those HE does not. To say God I’m going to love you no matter what! You know what’s best for me, you have plans I can never imagine, You know my future, and Your ways are better than mine! It’s not easy for me to do this. Turn over complete control, to turn over my heart to someone, and the unknown. But to full live in Christ, to full receive all the blessings He has for me. I realize I have to.