Looking Back..

If there is one thing I have learned, while studying the book of Ruth.It’s do not look back. Ruth, is a prime example of this. God called her, and she left all that she was familiar with. She left her homeland, her family, friends. She packed up  and traveled to a place, where she would not be very welcomed. It could be very dangerous for a Moab woman, in Bethlehem.  And with an angry bitter old widow at that.! She went forward, never looking back. She was even given the chance to go home, to go back. But she didn’t. She followed through with her commitment to God, and Naomi. She moved forward, not back.

I want to be like Ruth, but I am finding it hard. I am finding myself looking back. Looking back and thinking, what if I would have given that blind date, my aunt set me up on tweleve years ago, more of a chance? Where would I be? Would I have found the love of my life, a man who treated me like a princess? With respect, and honor? Someone who I could have grown with, prayed with and decided to stick with me, no matter how emotional, or crazy I got?   Would I have right now, with a good man of God, what I’m desiring with the wrong man? I can’t help but think.

Would I have children? Could I have a few little blonde hair, blue eyed babies running around? Maybe even have one with curly hair.Would I have experienced those first little kicks, where I got to feel life for the first time. Experienced birth, the pain, and then the joy of having a little life, who lived in me for nine months on my chest. Kiss her head, count her toes and fingers.   Would I be living that dream of getting my kids up and ready for church, and going as as family?

What if I had finished school. If I got my degree, and went into the field of my study? I would have been working for 10 years, pretty settled in my CAREER! Not working at Walmart, a simple cashier job. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But could I have had more? Or would I have been a stay at home mom, first?

All these things I wonder about. I wonder how my life would have turned out had I never quit, had I sought God, and asked Him to guide me to where HE wanted me to go, instead of acting on my own, playing god. Getting scared.. not TRUSTING in HIM!

I know God doesn’t want us to look back. He wants to keep focused on Him, moving forward in His will. And I am really trying to do this. I know that EVERYTHING happens for a reason, and that He knew I would be here today. He has a plan for my life, that is far better than I could ever imagine (even though I am starting to wonder if I’ve missed that life 12 years ago). I can’t think like this. Ruth did not think like that. I doubt she ever thought “well if I would have married Islamicha, I may not be a widow, I may not be traveling with this bitter old woman, who really doesn’t want me here to begin with.” No, she heard God’s calling, and she went. She moved forward, away from the familiar, into the unknown. And she was greatly rewarded for that! Not only a wonderful Godly husband, but most of all a deep personal relationship with God (which is far more amazing than any man). I want to be more like Ruth! I want to move forward. I do not want to look back at my past. Think about my what if’s. Think about what could have been different, had I made different decisions. I want to move forward. I want to do God’s will NOW. Hear his voice, follow His voice into that great unknown. Trust Him fully, in everything I do!

Being a Ruth is hard!

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