All posts by katieokiedokie

About katieokiedokie

An ever changing 30 year old whose as random as it gets!

A Heart Like David..

I do believe the saying “Wow God is just amazing” has become a regular part of my vocabulary! I seem to say it a lot. This is because.. He is. He’s simply amazing! With me though, He often has to show His awesomeness through other people , through TV shows, through Bible studies.. because I can be hard headed like that. It’s like I ask Him for an answer if He tells me what I want to hear..I accept it. Easily. But if He goes silent (usually that means “NOT NOW”, or I get a blank right out no. I refuse to hear it. I keep asking over and over again. Like a little kid in a candy store who was told she couldn’t have that candy bar. Instead of accepting it, I keep asking for it over and over again. Thankfully, God is not like some parents. He doesn’t turn around yell, and cuss at me when I keep asking the same thing over and over again! Instead, He sends others, to help me receive His answer.

I’ve been struggling with a few things. One is my job (no way..huh)? Yeah, I do not like my job. Sorry ladies I work with. But I do not. And I will not lie. I knock on all kinds of doors in hopes that something will open and I can leave. Nothing ever seems to open. And if it does open. Something always comes up, to close it. Tightly. I mean I left Walmart once, and had to come back. Obviously, I am there for a reason. It’s really been hard for me, as of late. I have always said, I would love my job if it wasn’t for the customers. If I could just hang out with my co-workers all day, 9 hours straight I would so do it in a heart beat. But that’s not how it works. I have to interact with people. Often unfriendly, angry, impatient, selfish, You all are starting to get to me. I am so not made out to work with the public. At this point, I do not have the patience or understanding for it. You all make it hard for me! I mean is it so hard to be nice? But I have been finding myself asking “is this really what I am suppose to be doing with my life? I want more!” but no doors are opening for that to happen. I pray to God and I practically beg Him to come through for me on this one. And I get nothing! NOTHING! Nothing opens! Nothing happens. I’m stuck. Sitting in idle, trying to put the pedal to the metal and move forward, and only creating smoke! Throwing my little fits and pouting, cause I’m not getting my way, the answer I want. And then God works in His most amazing way! He sends me a message, an answer. Not once, not twice, but three times! The first was through my bible study. I am studying David, a man after God’s heart. If you do not know much about David, I encourage you to read up on him. But for now, I’ll just explain to you, the part God is using for me. Did you know that David was appointed to the king of Israel, as a young boy. At the time he was a Shepard. One of the lowest forms of work you could have in those days (you know the cashier’s of biblical times). When he was anointed King, he didn’t leave the fields, he didn’t go with Samuel back to Israel to claim his throne. NO. And may I mind, no one thought David would be the one chosen ,his own father Jesse, did not believe David would be picked. He left David in the field during Samuel’s visit. Samuel had to ask “do you have any other sons”. Jesse wasn’t even going to volunteer David as an option. Imagine how David must have felt as Samuel anointed him king, before his father, and older brothers. Sorry I got side tracked there. Back to my point. David didn’t become King right away. No, no ,he needed to go through his assignment of refinement for God to use him. David did not take the throne until he was in his 30’s, and the years before taking that position, was spent doing jobs, that was way below a king’s payroll. Way below them. But he needed those jobs, he needed those lessons, and God knew that. And you know.. David never questioned God, David never got bitter, or asked God to rush the process. David not only obeyed God, and did His will. David rejoiced in it. David praised God for all he went through. Boy, can we not learn something from David there? How often do we get upset, and angry with God because we do not feel God is moving fast enough for us. How often do we miss the lesson, because we want to rush the process? I’m guessing a lot. We are people of instant gratification, we want it and we want it now. We do not feel we should have to wait for anything (just stand in line at Walmart some morning! You’ll see it). But sometimes God needs us to wait, because there is something He wants us to learn, that will help us in the future. Do you not think that every single, in the ditch job, David endured, didn’t play a part in making him the king that he became? God knew this, and David trusted. And through God’s perfect timing, and Davids patience to wait, and refinement we received one of the greats gifts our world has ever received!

I do have a point with this story, as you know, I’ve been studying David, and Beth Moore has done a great job of delivering that message to me. But Joel Osteen really brought it home for me. You see yesterday, and last night I was really struggling. REALLY. I’ve been struggling for a while, but last night was the boiling point. I was ready to explode. I was throwing my little fit, I was having myself a pity party, and pouting. Because I wasn’t getting what I want. God wasn’t answering my prayers the way I wanted Him! I vented to my mom, I cried, I became angry. And than I laid on my couch to pout. Feel sorry for myself. Poor little Katie. And then Joel Osteen came on TV. Now I usually flip the channel when he comes on. I’m not a fan, at all. There are few TV preachers I like to listen to, James Merritt, is one of my favorite. But Ol’ Joel ,not a fan. I’m not a fan. I was about to change it, when he said something that caught my attention. He started talking about David.. and how he did not go from anointed King to the throne. How he had mediocre jobs, jobs that were way below a king’s role. And that he didn’t get bitter, he was grateful. That God had to take David through those mediocre jobs, to make him the king he eventually became, and to lead the great kingdom he did! And you know what? David was thankful and faithful to God for those jobs. He did his job, faithfully, trusting that God’s way’s were higher than his ways, and that everything works for the greater purpose. That God has a purpose. He was in his season of refinement.  God was preparing him to become the great king he became, and he never would have gotten there.. had David not be faithful to God, to those jobs. This was an eye opener to me. Because I was sitting there pouting and crying over working at Walmart, wanting God to move right now.. and I was not being thankful for this time. I was not waiting on God’s timing. I wanted to rush it. I wanted it to be over with, and I’m not learning the lesson I am suppose to learn.

God’s timing is not our timing. He doesn’t work on the same time table as us. Everything you go through, everything He takes you through, He does for a reason! To mold us, to teach us, to refine us. When we rush it, we do not get everything God wants us to learn, or mold into. How can we fully become the men and women of God, if we do not sit still sometimes, and just let Him work on us?

Does this make me like working at Walmart even more? No, no it doesn’t. But I am thankful He has me there, for a reason. I cannot rush His timing either. I have to let the process run it’s course. I have to sit in that fiery furnace a little bit longer, to see what God has in store for me.

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I’m Not..

I’m not the kind of girl.. who needs fancy dates, expensive gifts, big huge vacations. Those things are nice, of course, but not something I desire! At least, not from a man. From a man, I am looking for his time! Time with him is what’s most important. I would rather chill at home, watching movies, laughing and eating popcorn. Going for a walk, or a drive! Where we can just be ourselves, laugh, and joke around!  Oh.. and I can lay around in my Pj’s..that makes it extra special! haha.  I mean, I’m interested in him.. not what he can or can’t give me!  If he gives me the attention I desire, the time. I’m going to be happy!

New Camera

So with my income tax money, I decided (after years of saying I was going to do this) to buy myself a new camera! I love photography! It is relaxing for me. Calms me. Best decision I’ve made! OK maybe not the best but it’s close! So here are some of the pictures I have taken ( I am no professional, nor do I claim to be. Just a armature who loves nature.. obviously)!IMG_4756IMG_4757IMG_4573IMG_4596IMG_4603IMG_4608IMG_4611IMG_4612IMG_4614IMG_4630IMG_4634IMG_4672IMG_4721

I Trust God..

It’s hard to Trust God, to give your heart, time, life over to Him completely and say.. “your will be done”. Not easy. Not easy at all. But I have learned, life is better that way. It may be hard at first, it may break me, or hurt me. But it’s worth it. Besides, I often find myself in rather bad situations when I try to do things on my own. It never ends well. I mess everything up. It’s after I give up, and give it to God that my life starts turn around.

 

What I want.

What I want..is simple. I want you, and nothing more. I”m not interested in your money, or what you can and cannot give me. I’d be happy living in a shack, and eating popcorn every night.. just as long as it’s with you. I want your attention, sweet words and affection. I want to lay my head on your chest and feel your heartbeat, and feel the warmth of your arms as they wrap around me. I want to sit, talk, and laugh for hours.. and nothing more. I do not need flowers, jewelry, gifts, or fancy dinners.  I want you to choose me, to say I’m your girl, and be proud I’m yours. I want to see you happy. I want to see you laugh, and smile, and when you’re down, and out, and feel that the world is crashing down around you..that I’ll be your comfort. That you’ll know I’m always here. I’m not going to leave, and that you’re stuck with me, and I with you.

Gods Ways

God’s ways our higher than our ways. This is often a hard pill to swallow. It often causes us a lot of pain, a lot of confusion, a lot of asking the question “why?”. Why God?  Why did you allow this to happen, or why did you remove that person form my life, or why did I lose my job? We sometimes, find ourselves feeling alone, and left to our own understanding. Oh, we of little faith. We have to remember. God’s ways, or not our ways, and they are always higher than ours. And we often do not understand them right away.

I have been in one of those seasons. Those seasons of asking why, questioning. Hurting, crying, trying to understand. But tonight, I had my ah ha moment. That moment when you finally see God’s hand in a situation, when finally start to see the pieces being put together, when you finally start to see God coming through for you.

You see ever since I was a little girl, probably before I could walk, or even talk at that. I had one dream. To be a mommy. As most of you know, cause I’ve mentioned it a lot. It’s been a desire of my heart for as long as I can remember. So as you can imagine (and know) when I found out that I had to have a hysterectomy.. I was devastated!  I literally sat in a white, cold exam room and listened to my doctor say.. “this is a must”, and my dreams, desires, hopes, of the future crashed down around me. At first, I was kind of numb. I was focused on the cancer part of the whole ordeal. But then, after the surgery (cause it all happened pretty quick) the cancer was no longer an issue, so then the real hurting began. I was hurting, I was angry. I was angry at God, for allowing this to happen. Why.. was a question a asked often.

But like God always does, He takes care of me, and He started to send people my way, to show me He is faithful, that He does have a plan, and that He knows best. But I was angry, I was hurting, and I really didn’t want to hear it. But then he brought someone into my life, that He pretty much knew I would listen to. And this guy, was able to break through a little, talk some realization into me. I don’t know, he started to make it click, it’s like he knew what to say, and how to say it to make comfort me in away, no one else was able to do. And at the exact right time!  But, I still struggled, I still hurt, but I found myself become less and less angry at God, and found myself starting to see that maybe God does have a plan. One I may not understand. God used this very wise friend, to start showing me His ways. I sit back and think to myself sometimes, “WOW” because God placed this person in my life over 30 years ago, in a little Kindergarten class. I have forgotten pretty much every single kid in that class but three. Three who made an impression on my life. And 30 years ago.. God knew He was going to use that boy to get through to me! See how God works?

And then I did my DNA. Something I’ve been saying I was going to do for years! But never did. Until here recently. Once again timing is everything! Because while I was still hurting, I was no longer angry. Those walls were broken down, thanks to my friend, and this opened up a door, my eyes, to more healing. Everything happens for a reason, and order. God knew this! I just had to be patient, and wait. And He pretty much sealed the deal, with these DNA results. It wasn’t until I ran them through other sites, sites that tested your DNA and genes for diseases that you are prone to, that I really seen some of God’s bigger picture. That I really seen that sometimes God has to break you a little bit, to keep you from getting hurt, a hurt even more painful than what you suffered. The diseases that I’m prone to, wasn’t nearly as scary as the diseases I’m a carrier for. Genes I could pass onto my children, had I had them. A lot of big medical words were thrown around, but with the help of google, it pretty much left me speechless! And I found myself thanking God, thanking Him for sparing me a great potential heart break in the near future. Sometimes God has to remove things, for our benefit (no pun intended there). God is forever faithful, in all His ways. Sometimes His way hurt us, but there is always a reason! Always. God’s ways our always higher than our own ways!

This has been a rough season for me, it’s lasted way too long. But I’m finally at peace. And I am OK with this! I trust God, He knows what He is doing.  He’s in control, He doesn’t need a co-pilot at least not me. That’s how our lives crash and burn anyway. Right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m Amazed!

I forgot to take a book to work today. I always take a book, so I have something to read during my breaks, and lunch. But today, I didn’t have one. I also do not have anything fun my phone like Facebook. So today at lunch I was left with me, myself, and I, and my own thinking! Sometimes that can be scary. I have a habit of overthinking when left on my own. But today, I thought about my life. About the people in my life, and it’s just amazing!

Amazing how each and every person I know, was put into my life by God. He planted them there, and I in their lives. NOTHING is an accident! Some people have been in my life for years, and some for only weeks .But each and every one of them.. are suppose to be there! Now that doesn’t mean they are all suppose to stay in my life, or will. But still God knew before I was born, each and every single person I would meet along my journey of life! Each one of them. How amazing is that?

 

Before you were formed in your mother, God knew everything about you. He knew everyone who would come into your life. He knew when, and how long they would be there.

I don’t know. I just find that really amazing!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wait on Him

If there is one thing, God keeps telling me over and over again (and I mean over and over again) it’s to wait on Him. I’m not one who likes to wait. Waiting is NOT one of my strong suits. But He keeps telling me to wait. Through bible verses, through devotionals, through my Bible study. He says WAIT CHILD I GOT YOU! Putting my trust in someone is hard. I’ve been hurt a lot, I’ve been let down a lot. I’ve been told “I’m here” and well, you guessed it. They wasn’t. But God is different. He is here, He does have me. He will not let me down. I just have to wait on Him, be patient (btw never pray for this), and see His plans for me unfold! The wait is going to be hard, but it will be worth it.

WAITING!!!

 

I hate waiting. I really really hate waiting. I’m not patient at all. But I’m trying to work on it. Waiting. I know God has perfect timing, and He’s always on time. ALWAYS! During the waiting season, we really need to seek Him, because He’s usually preparing, teaching, guiding us so when He delivers, we’ll be ready. I understand this completely. And I have pretty much completely giving myself to Him in the area’s of my job, love life, and life. But there is one area I’m really struggling with. One area I’m so anxious to receive. One area I dream about, about every single night.

My ancestry DNA results!!

THE WAIT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!

This is something I have wanted to do for a few years, but never did up until this year. I think every year for the past five years I’ve said I was going to use my Christmas money to buy it. This year I actually I did. I probably should have waited a few weeks, but I know me, and I would have never saved my money. I would have spent it. Which is what I’ve done every year before this year! But this year, I did it. I sent it in on Jan. 1! JAN 1!!! It took them a month to let me know they got my tests, and another month for them to start processing, which they’ve only been doing for a week. And it’s KILLING ME!

I want them now! I do not want to wait any longer! hahaha..

Seriously, I do. Funny how I’m learning to wait in other’s area’s of my life. Like my job. I’m currently suffering from a major case of burn out. I do not want to go, I dread it. Do not get me wrong I’m thankful I have a job, I’m thankful God is providing. I’m burned out though. When I am there I’m counting down the hours till I get to leave, and I spend a lot of time thinking “is this really my calling in life” and “is this really what I’m suppose to be doing?”.

And I’m pretty content being single. I do not know what the future holds for my love life. What God has in store for me. But I’m FINALLY able to say, God I’m waiting You. You know best, You know what I need, and I want YOUR will be to done. Not my own. And in my waiting season I’m enjoying this time growing in Him, growing closer to Him. It’s been amazing! I’ve grown so close to Him..

but I am NOT doing good when it comes to waiting on these DNA results to come back!!

I’m sure God’s not too worried about my DNA results, nor is it a huge priority on His list of things to worry about. I mean with war, abortions, and sin in general, I’m sure my DNA results are NOT on His list of worries. lol.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Burned Out

I am really started to get burned out, at work. I would love to have just one weekend off! Or at least a Sunday off! Is that too much to ask? I’ll never forget the day she called me into her office, to talk about my schedule, and how she kept repeating “it’s not fair to the other cashiers”, talking about my schedule. Well I do not find the fact that new employee’s are hired, and have EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY OFF, and I have to call off work, just to get it off. That’s not fair.

Like I said. I am just burned out. I’d like to be able to go get up, go to church, and come home and relax the rest of the day. Not hurry up eat, get dressed for work, and out the door I go! Till 11, at night.

Do not get me wrong. I am happy I have a job, I am thankful that God has blessed me, and I have money to pay my bills etc. But I’m still so unhappy at Walmart! I’m unhappy with the hours more than anything. That is what I hate the most. The hours.

I know God has a purpose for everything, and it’s no accident I’m here. I do not know the reason. But I am trusting God. Can I still get discourage? Can I still feel as though I’m ready to cry at just the thought of going? Can I still be really really unhappy there, and trust God that His timing, and will, and what He wants is still what I want?