Just Not Ready.

So I was asked out on a date today. I know what you’re all thinking.. “YAY” or “You go girl”. The thing is. I’m just not ready. I do not want to go on dates, I do not want to meet men, I do not want to put myself out there, not right now, not at this time.

For one, I have grown so much in God these past few months! My relationship with him has grown and I am at a place I’ve never been before, and I do not want anyone or thing to distract me from growing in Him! It’s going to take a VERY special guy to do this.

And I need to let my heart heal from this last heart break, before I move on. I do not want to start a relationship with any guy, until my heart isn’t hurting.

So no date for me. And I’m OK with that. I’m perfectly OK with that. My heart is in God’s hands now, and right now, He’s the only one who deserves it.

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Life with a Boxer..

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you do not have one, I highly recommend you go out and get yourself a boxer right now! RIGHT NOW! Do not wait, do not hesitate, just go do it.. because they are the best dogs ever! Well at least mine is!

Cooper is his name.. and here he is.

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He’s a beauty isn’t he? Wait. here is another one!

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He is my favorite model! And he has a personality all of his own. He’s funny, he makes goofy faces, he hogs the bed, and he has no sense of personal space. He’ll seriously climb on top of me, and just make himself at home, in my lap. And may I mind you, he’s as long as I am! If you’re eating, he’ll sit and stare at me, with slobber dripping from his jowls. He loves to go on walks, run, but hates water. Which kind of stinks. I would love it if he loved to swim. But he doesn’t. Balls he chases, but laser lights he don’t. He licks a lot, and odd strange things like the couch. He is sweet, kind and loving. He’s a jumper, but all boxers all! He looks tough, and like he’d be mean. But he’s far from it!

He’s my Cooper!

 

New Phone, and new Camera

So I did it. I went out and got myself an Iphone! It’s an older version, but an Iphone nonetheless. Honestly, I got tired of buying phones. I felt like I was buying a new phone every few months!  And well I just kept buying the same kind of phone because it was the cheapest “smart”phone.  Hopefully this phone, will last me longer. I hope so. It cost a lot more!

I also bought a new camera!! YAY! I got a Rebel SL1!! And so far I LOVE it! LOVE it! I haven’t been able to use it much, because of the weather. I can’t wait for it to get to one temp, I do not have to work, and the weather stays the same! With no rain or wind! lol..

I’m also getting a new tattoo in a couple of weeks! YAY!

 

My Dear Angie,

My Dear Angie,

I know right now, it seems as though your world is falling apart. Your heart is breaking, you cry yourself to sleep, and your mind keeps wandering to why. Why did this happen to you. I cannot explain men. I do not understand them. They can have the best girl in the world, someone who’d give them all they want, and do so with a happy heart. Someone who’ll be there, support, take care of them. And they will throw her away, like a piece of trash. Sometimes for another woman, sometimes for a different life style, sometimes because they were simply playing her. But they do. And sadly, it’s good women like yourself, who gets the blow. Who gets hurt. Who is left with their heart shattered to pieces.

My dear Angie, things will get better. You’re heart will mend one day at a time. Some days will be better than others. Someday’s you’ll get up, you’ll smile, and all will feel great. You wont’ even think of him much. Then someday’s you’ll wake up a mess. You may have cried yourself to sleep the night before, hardly slept. You just can’t get your mind off of the past, the things he said, the promises he made, how he held you, kissed you, made you feel all safe and secure. Just to rip it away, without notice, without regret. How he moved on so quickly. And you wont’ understand. You won’t understand anything. How he could just turn his feelings off.

It’s OK to cry. It’s OK to mourn. But my dear Angie, it’s not OK to stay there. Have this time. Cry, be sad, get mad, and angry if you have to. But then move on! Move on and live your life. Do NOT let him define you. DO NOT like him control you, do not give him that power. Instead, rise above. Shake him off. Realize that you deserve better. You deserve to be with someone who WANTS to be with you, and means. Not just saying the words. You deserve to be with someone who’ll treat you like a princess. Someone who’ll cherish you. Who’ll mean what he says, and backs it up. You deserve to better, than what he was willing to give you!

There is someone out there for you, someone who’ll treat you right, and he’ll come into your life at the right time, on God’s time! It’s important you seek a good Godly man. Someone grounded in his faith, who has a relationship with God, and beware, many men can claim this, but this doesn’t mean he’s being honest with you, or himself. Seek someone you can pray with, and who’ll pray for you. Someone who’ll encourage you to grow in God. Someone who is active in church. These things are important. I know waiting is hard, and I know it’s easy to give up, when you’re heart is breaking. But you can do this.

My dear Angie, take your heartbreak to the Lord. Give it to Him, and find comfort in Him. Start praying, seeking Him through reading the bible! He’ll heal that broken heart. Ask Him what HE want’s you to do, seek Him first! It’s not always easy, but it’s so very worth it.

I’m praying for you my dear Angie. I know you go this. It’s just going to take time.

Your Friend,

Katie.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Looking Back..

If there is one thing I have learned, while studying the book of Ruth.It’s do not look back. Ruth, is a prime example of this. God called her, and she left all that she was familiar with. She left her homeland, her family, friends. She packed up  and traveled to a place, where she would not be very welcomed. It could be very dangerous for a Moab woman, in Bethlehem.  And with an angry bitter old widow at that.! She went forward, never looking back. She was even given the chance to go home, to go back. But she didn’t. She followed through with her commitment to God, and Naomi. She moved forward, not back.

I want to be like Ruth, but I am finding it hard. I am finding myself looking back. Looking back and thinking, what if I would have given that blind date, my aunt set me up on tweleve years ago, more of a chance? Where would I be? Would I have found the love of my life, a man who treated me like a princess? With respect, and honor? Someone who I could have grown with, prayed with and decided to stick with me, no matter how emotional, or crazy I got?   Would I have right now, with a good man of God, what I’m desiring with the wrong man? I can’t help but think.

Would I have children? Could I have a few little blonde hair, blue eyed babies running around? Maybe even have one with curly hair.Would I have experienced those first little kicks, where I got to feel life for the first time. Experienced birth, the pain, and then the joy of having a little life, who lived in me for nine months on my chest. Kiss her head, count her toes and fingers.   Would I be living that dream of getting my kids up and ready for church, and going as as family?

What if I had finished school. If I got my degree, and went into the field of my study? I would have been working for 10 years, pretty settled in my CAREER! Not working at Walmart, a simple cashier job. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But could I have had more? Or would I have been a stay at home mom, first?

All these things I wonder about. I wonder how my life would have turned out had I never quit, had I sought God, and asked Him to guide me to where HE wanted me to go, instead of acting on my own, playing god. Getting scared.. not TRUSTING in HIM!

I know God doesn’t want us to look back. He wants to keep focused on Him, moving forward in His will. And I am really trying to do this. I know that EVERYTHING happens for a reason, and that He knew I would be here today. He has a plan for my life, that is far better than I could ever imagine (even though I am starting to wonder if I’ve missed that life 12 years ago). I can’t think like this. Ruth did not think like that. I doubt she ever thought “well if I would have married Islamicha, I may not be a widow, I may not be traveling with this bitter old woman, who really doesn’t want me here to begin with.” No, she heard God’s calling, and she went. She moved forward, away from the familiar, into the unknown. And she was greatly rewarded for that! Not only a wonderful Godly husband, but most of all a deep personal relationship with God (which is far more amazing than any man). I want to be more like Ruth! I want to move forward. I do not want to look back at my past. Think about my what if’s. Think about what could have been different, had I made different decisions. I want to move forward. I want to do God’s will NOW. Hear his voice, follow His voice into that great unknown. Trust Him fully, in everything I do!

Being a Ruth is hard!

Think Before Post

 

I am pretty sure we have all had moments where we regret saying something. We do not think before we speak and before we know it words fly out of our mouths, we cannot take back. I know I have. I’m so guilty. I am so ill tempered, not thinking before I speak, is something I am so guilty of. Something else I am guilt of. Sending something through text, before thinking it through. Or when I was on Facebook, posting something before thinking. And then automatically regretting it. In today’s time, with Facebook, and Twitter, it’s really important. We think before we Post.

I mean our President, great ol’ Trump is a perfect example of someone who does not think before he posts.

Just like when we talk, what we post can have an effect on others. It can cause some kind of emotional reaction. Happiness, joy, hurt, anger, worry, bitterness. Remember, people cannot read your mind. They  do not have your voice, or body language to read or go by, they are basically left to their own interpretation. How they perceive the message can and will mostly likely be different from what you really meant, especially if you’re just joking! If you’re joking. Say it! And don’t post something YOU DO NOT MEAN, unless you quickly explain yourself. You honestly can’t get upset at someone for misreading your posts. What you should be doing is thinking before you post! No post is worth losing a relationship over, especially one that was meant for a joke!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Whose That Girl?

Who is this girl?

This girl looking back at me from the mirror?

When did she become that girl?

That girl who compromises her..

wants

dreams

hopes..

For someone, temporary?

When did she change?

When did she start overlooking qualities..

Qualities she use to never accept?

When did she start giving up herself?

Her heart?

Her body?

Her spirit?

In hopes that he would just like her?

That’s not who this girl is.

This girl is strong!

She stands on her own.

She doesn’t settle for less.

She only accept what’s best.

She doesn’t compromise her..

heart

soul

body

self

for anyone!

Especially, someone who can’t see how..

great

beautiful

wonderful

she really is!

She loves herself.

She doesn’t care who does, or doesn’t like her back.

Because she KNOWS

she’s worthy of so much more!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What I have Learned..

I have often asked God, during my prayer time “Lord why do you have me at Walmart? What am I suppose to learn here”.. seriously, I ask this question. You see, Walmart was NOT my first choice of a place to work. Actually, it wasn’t in my first five choices. To be honest with you, it’s at the end of the list, with fast food places like McDonald’s, Taco Bell, and Burger King. And working in a nursing home cleaning up older people.  Retail.. is NOT where I wanted to work. And Walmart is really not where I wanted to work. Not my dream job! But God opened that door for me not once but twice. Funny both times I tried to other open doors, frantically trying to push my way through them. Both both times those doors were shut in my face! And I ended up at Walmart, or back at Walmart. Obviously, God wants me there. But why? Why would He want me someplace, I despise? Some place I never wanted to work. Was it because I said I was never going to work there, and He thought.. “ha I’ll show her”? No because God doesn’t work like that.Just in case he does though.. “I’m NEVER going to win the lotto, I’m NEVER going to marry the man of my dreams.. “. lol.  Really His way’s are always higher than ours, and there is always a reason behind the path He puts us on. I’m just trying to figure out this path.

I  have no clue why I am there, wearing this lovely yellow vest, and telling people to “stop messing with your bags”, or asking “did you find everything OK today?”. But I know God has a purpose for this path I am on. Right now I’m just trying to keep smiling , act like I’m happy, and get through the day, counting down the hours until I get to go home. It’s not always easy. There are days I plead with God to open other doors.  I dread going in every morning. And like I mentioned before, I start counting down the hours till I get to go home (most days, I’m there 9 hours, a little too long for a part time gal, if you ask me). I have even thought of ways I can save money, to leave. I even budgeted out my income tax money, and figured out how many months I could live on it, thinking I could quit Walmart, and look for something else, and still be able to pay my bills. But something tells me, that whatever job I found would not work out, and I would be trying to force open a door, that God never intended me to walk through, and end up back at Walmart again..  back at square one. You see here lately, I have been trying to open up doors God does not want me to open. I never seem to learn that when I do this, He closes them. And this usually hurts. I fight with God, when it comes to doors. Clearly, but He wins every time. He will win every time. One way or another, He will win.

Maybe, God is trying to teach me to be content, bloom where I am planted and thankful for what He has given me. No it’s not my dream job, but it is a job. And if I can’t be thankful for what He has already given me, then why would He trust me with something else. Plus, He’s given me some pretty good jobs in the past, that I complained about, and quit..Oh my, what if this is as good as it gets for me..haha. Really though, God has blessed me with good jobs in the past, and I kept throwing them away. Maybe He thinks I’m not going to appreciate anything more than Walmart. Maybe he’s trying to show me.. it could always be worse! lol. My aunt swears up and down it’s to meet my future husband. He’s going to come through my lane, fall madly in love, and one day we’ll say our vows before Self Scan!   OK not we won’t marry at Walmart.. her dream is I marry in her backyard (true story).

I have learned something though, these past few months. I’ve had a hard few months. Some struggles that have really opened my eyes. Between Walmart, and relationship issues, I have learned that God’s way’s are always higher than mine. He see’s things, I do not, He knows things I do not. And He never does anything, or will never do anything that’s going to destroy me. Sometimes, I try to go out on my own, take matters in my own hands, do my own thing, and end up hurt. I tell God, “I know what I’m doing, I’m OK..let me handle this” and He usually sits back, and watches me for a while. Allowing me to go on my own, make mistakes, act all smart like I know what I’m doing. Of course things always unravel, start to fall apart. I start to get hurt, or realizing that this job I just took, isn’t going to work, it’s all falling  a part. And then He steps in and says “No my child, you do not know what I’m doing, you do not know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper, plans to flourish. Are you ready to trust Me now?”  God doesn’t need my help. He just needs me to say.. “Thy will be done”, and turn my life completely over to him. God’s got me.  I may not understand His way’s, but I do not need to. I just have to trust Him.

Sometimes, giving our all, and totally surrendering, to the unknown, not having that control. Is hard. It’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. To fully trust Him with my heart. To fully give him my life, lay it down at His feet and say. Do what you please.  It hasn’t been easy, and the last two area’s of my life, that I’ve struggled with the most has been my job, working where he wants me to work, and my relationships. Trusting that He’ll send me someone who HE WANTS me to be with. To keep my eyes focused on Him, and just let Him take my life where He needs be to be. To sit back and learn, and let Him teach me to become that Godly employee, and prepare me to be the Godly wife He wants me to be. And be patient while he prepares my future husband for his role as well. It’s not been easy.. Letting go is never easy! But it’s a step I have to do.

Maybe you’re the in the same situation. You’re struggling. You’re trying to figure out what’s going on in your life, why things have happened the way they are. You are trying to find some peace, and happiness in this confusing place in life! My advice to you. LET GO AND GIVE IT TO GOD..leave your worries, and concerns at His feet, and walk away. Let Him have them, and do not take them back. Then get out there, and praise Him! Thank Him for every tear of sorrow, thank Him for every trial. Do not just praise Him when things are going well, but praise Him in the storm. Praise Him when your world is crashing in around you. When you can’t see from all the tears in your eyes. Rest assured He is there, holding you.

God is faithful, and just. He’s there for you. He has your back. He will not let you fall, you just have to reach out for Him. He can’t hold your hand, if you do not give him your hand to hold!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One Mans Trash..

Here recently, I have experienced a pain like none other. My heart broken. I was left feeling as though I was nothing more than tossed out trash. No good for nothing, waste, that could just be tossed out and forgotten. An empty pop can on the side of the road, for someone to kick, a rotten banana peel, for some wild animal to eat. Worthless. I felt as though I was nothing! It hurt. I could not understand.. wasn’t I something of value?

Then something came to my mind.. a saying.. “One Man’s Trash is another’s man treasure”.. and  it got me thinking. This guy, who I was totally head over heels for. Who I thought was far from trash, who I cherished, and would have done anything for, if he couldn’t see the beauty in me. The worth, the gift he had right in front of him. That didn’t mean someone else couldn’t or wouldn’t! That someone else wouldn’t appreciate what I had to offer, what I had to give, and accepted me.. as a gift. The gift that I truly am.

I may not perfect, and just like everyone else, I come with issues from my past. Past hurts.. etc. I am not perfect. I’m going to do things that drive people crazy.But that doesn’t mean you just throw me out, toss to the side. You stick beside. You show me you care. You show me you’re in for the long run. Wouldn’t you want someone to do that for you? Stick beside you even though.. you’re flawed?  To look at you and say “I know you have problems, I know you have issues you need to work through, I’m OK with that. I’m here for you. I can count on you”.  Not throw me out, the first time my insecurities come through.

I may not be a super model, with a fit hot body, and perfect face and my makeup on fleek! Half the time, I do not even wear makeup. But I am beautiful. I have rolls, and red toned skin, dry curly hair, and a butt chin.. aka.. chin dimple. But to someone else.. I may just be the most beautiful person they’ve ever seen. He might look at me, like I’m the most beautiful girl in the world. Think he found a diamond in the rough, a priceless jewel.

I may not be the most fun person to hang out with. I do not drink, party, or go to bars. I’m a home body who would rather stay in and watch movies, talk and laugh, then go around in a big crowd. I like taking walks, and going to movies, having picnics, cook outs, bomb fires, and fishing.  But to someone else.. that might just what he looking for. Good clean, sober fun!

I have to remember that just because one person cannot see what an amazing, beautiful woman I am. Doesn’t mean.. someone else can’t, or won’t. It’s hard to remember this, when you’re heart is breaking, when you keep thinking to yourself something has to be wrong with me. But maybe it’s not me. Maybe it’s him. Maybe I’m not trash, maybe he has a seeing problem. Maybe he can’t see what he had right in front him, and while he’s thinking he’s kicking aside just some worthless piece of trash. He is really giving away the greatest gift that’s ever come into his life.

Cause chances are. He’s never going to find another Katie…

and sometimes.. you’re only given one chance to accept a gift, before it’s given to someone else.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Perfect Man.. for Me.

I have recently read the book “God Where is My Boaz” by   Stephan Labossiere (or Stephan Speaks Relationship on Facebook..which I can’t connect you to, because I am taking a LOA from FB at this time). I have to say I LOVED this book! If you are single lady, I highly recommend reading it. I’m a single lady, I’m a very single lady, who just happens to be older, even though I do not feel it..I am. I’ve been waiting a long time for my Boaz..starting to think he is not out there. But his book was an eye opener for me. I see where I have failed in so many areas of my life, when it comes to finding the man who God has for me.

Especially the part where he talks about how many of ladies make lists of what we are looking for in a man. Usually, we gal’s look for things like..

  1. Nice Hair
  2. Nice body
  3. Tall
  4. handsome

I can go on and on. We focus on the things that are physical, that will change in time! But we often do not focus on the things that are really important. Like who he is. However, I always have. I’ve always been pretty focused on who he is, what his personality is like.. what kind of relationship he has with God. Those things have always been important to me. And somewhere, a long the line, I have lost track of those qualities I look for. I do not know if it was out of desperation of wanting to be a relationship, and feel loved, wanted and desired I was willing to put my convictions behind me, for the sake of some guy. Hoping that maybe once I “hooked” him he would change. He would become that man who I desired. WRONG WRONG WRONG.. on so many levels!!

First, I need to stop looking for the man who I want to be with. Who I feel God wants me with, and I need to start praying for the guy who GOD wants me to be with, and who GOD knows is best for me. I can’t tell God anything.. He knows all.  This is not always easy. It’s not easy to give over all control of your  life. Ever. Especially, if you’re a control freak, like myself. This makes it really  hard!  But really, lay it down at His feet, and leave it there. Stop picking it up, and acting like I know what’s best for me. Cause well it hasn’t worked so far..now has it? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Yep..that’s me.

Second, I need to keep my goals focused on God, I need to remember that God wants what’s best for me. He wants me to be with that person who he created with me in mind. And I need to hold up those standards for which I have always desired in a man. And I need to find someone whose already there! Not someone who needs to figure it out. There has been a saying floating around the internet, that I’ve seen so many times.. it says something along this lines.. “Let God make a man out of him ,before you make him a husband”. It is so important that two people are on the same page! That they are heading in the same direction, that the other won’t hold the other back! I do not want to be  held back. I want to move forward with God, and I want a guy who’ll walk beside me, and hold my hand, shoulder to shoulder. Not someone whose going to try to hold me back. Not on purpose of course, but just because he’s not where he needs to be with God. I do not want to fix him. That’s not my job. I want God to fix him first.

Now in the book, it mentioned writing down your expectations for the man of your dreams! So I am going to do that. A simple reminder of what I want, what I believe I deserve in a man. So when I start to get discourage, or feeling as though I am going to falter, and give in, I can look back, read these, and remind myself of what I deserve! I have four major qualities I am looking for. Four I need to stand firm on! If a guy cannot fit into these qualities.. I need to pass him by. I need to continue waiting.

  1. Must be a believer, this is important to me. Now I’ve had people (mostly women) whose told me to not focus on this so much. That they are married to someone whose a non-believer. They are doing just fine. But let me ask you? How serious are you about your relationship God? How devote are you? Which brings me to..
  2. I want someone whose going to grow WITH ME, in God. Whose going to worry about my salvation, and my relationship with God, just as much as his own. As a couple, I want us to be concerned about each other’s spiritual health, just as much as our physical health. If I am with a non-believer, or someone who is not living their life in God’s will, this would impossible. Plus, I kind of what to see them in heaven some day too!
  3. Someone who I can pray with. I’ve always had this dream of praying with my future my husband! Sitting at the kitchen table, hand in hand starting our day out together in prayer. This comes from seeing my own parents do this, and my aunt Candy and Uncle Harold. There is just something romantic about praying with our husband! Don’t you think? Starting the day out with your two most important loves. God and your man! Or starting the day out with your guys!  A man who’ll take my hand when we go out to eat, and lead us in prayer, with no shame.
  4. Someone who will spending time studying the bible with me. I want to dig into the word with him, and learn about God with him. I want to go to church with him, and worship with him.. during the dating phase and once we are married. I want US to ask God to bless our relationship!

There are only four major qualities I am looking for (who knows I may think of more later).. But four pretty important ones. Four that I need to stand firm on! Four that are the most important to me. Because God should always be in the center of ones relationships.

So let me ask you.. if you are reading this, tell me of some qualities you look for when finding your Boaz or your Ruth (if you’re a guy). Or what are some you looked for if you are married, and did you stick those qualities?